I. Too keep or not to keep ... that is the question
A. I started my facebook when it was just beginning, and you had too have a college email address to join (as they were adding universities, one at a time). The original purpose was two fold - to get a hold of our classmates if we had questions about anything, and didn't have their number, and so that as we graduated,, we would be able to keep in touch with one another, as we all move to various cities, states, and even countries.
When Facebook began to expand its crowd, and allow everyone to join, I was simultaneously excited, whilst also afraid. I new that it meant that I would also be able to keep in touch with my out of town friends and family, as well as work acquaintances, or class mates who had graduated early, or not at all. But, on the negative side, there are always those people that you feel obligated to "friend," ie, coworkers, people from school that you know but you really didn't like, family members that you know never liked you, or the dreaded in-laws (no, that does not imlpy that everyone's in-laws are terrible. it's just a fact of life. they exist. some people hate their inlaws.)
B. Pro's
1) Keeping in touch with old friends
2) Benefits of community - ie, local crafters, lost&found, supporting local businesses in general, first word on wrecks, concerts, etc;
3) Birthday and Anniversary Reminder!
4) it's like a digital diary, that all of your friends can write on and you can look years and years back, and see life events, pictures, and all those embarrassing things you wish you could forget. Not to mention all of the different haircut, style trends, etc. And then now, people are starting to keep FB accounts for their kids when they are born, which I personally think is an AWESOME idea ... they can see who all is in their life, have a digital diary of their ENTIRE life from the day they are born, with pictures, comments from friends, family, and loved ones ... i mean ... how freaking could is that?!?!?!
5) It's an outlet, and a release of your freedom of speech, without having to blast it across the world. If you don't want to read it, keep scrolling.
C. Con's
1) People that are two faced, and pretend to be nice to your face, and then either intentionally not invite you to something that you should be invited to, or worse yet, post a nice comment about me, and then you read something that you either don't like, or you disagree with, so you delete the nice comment you comment that you posted the other day.
2) Filtering through all of the new adds and suggestions to join candy crush, mob mafia, blah, blah ...
3) To go through through all the scammers that send you friend requests, and who know don't know who the hell they are, or the people that hack your account, and then send crazy emails to your friends, etc
4) The drama it causes, with all of the young (or old) petty facebookers out there. They see a post, call a friend and start a game of telephone (which of course, we call know, means that it changes a bit, with every additional phone call). "OMG, Girl! Did you see what Ann just posted! I can't believe it! I'm sure she was talking about me. And how bitchy was that? And you KNOW she was lying!" etc, etc, etc. How about this ... GET a life. If you don't like what i post, don't read it. But let's get real ... i dont like or agree with half of what is out there, but that doesn't mean I have to act like I'm 12 and start a drama fest. Just keep scrolling, and get over it. Nobody is forcing you to read it OR agree with it.
II. i will not delve TOO much into my personal life, bc it is just that - my personal life. I know that all of you except one (those of you that matter, is it) , know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And I'm sure that the one that does not know, WOULD know if he/she would not being so judgmental. So I'm not even going to take the time to tell you here, on a public forum, all that I am doing to rectify a problem that I DID NOT START. THAT I NEVER STARTED. THAT I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT EVER TRY TO FIX. I shouldn't have to defend myself to you. I should not have to tell you that I am the ONLY one dong ANYTHING right now, and the absolute final law has been laid down. and You, of all people, should know that, I would never leave my love to drown. And to the rest of you, that think I'm a freaking idiot for believing that fairy tells come in all shape, sizes, colors, vehicles, and houses, and pets ... screw you all. i'm not Cinderella, or Belle, or the Little Mermaid, or any of the rest of them. i like black and hot pink. on my clothes, AND in my hair. I'm not 5'6", and I don't weigh 120 lbs. I have curves, tattoos, and lots of earrings. I don't want to ride off in a horse and Chariot. Just maybe a really cool Jeep Wrangler or a Tahoe. Or if I miraculously become ridiculously rich in the next 10 years, maybe a hummer or an escalade limo. and I want cupcakes instead of a real cake. I want either one of my friends kids or one my kids (god willing, one day) to be the flower girl and ring barer. I want to wear chuck taylors- the whole wedding party. Every girl has her own idea of a fairy tail, and what a fairy tail princess is , and she sees who she's walking towards at the end of the aisle. As tattooed, as atypical, or as any other "strange" word you may wish to choose.
Cliff's note's version - Yes. I am a moron. He is a moron. We are moronically in love. Dr Seuss has a quote about it. look it up. We lost each other for over 5 years, because he was being a giant moron, and wouldn't let me help him fix his moronic ways. we found our way back together. this time, he is actually listening on the things that matter. and no. that doesn't mean that im a dictator, and i rule his life. it means that i do what i have to do, to ensure i can do as much as possible (which still isn't everything), to make sure he isn't a COMPLETE moron. And yes. we fight. because we're both very stubborn. And we both always want to be right. And neither of us want to be told what to do. And when either of feel like shit, we're in TERRIBLE moods. But if one of feels good, when the other feels bad, we will jump up and over the moon and back, to do any and everything we can to make it better. To the extent last night, that I kept asking him so many thing, "Can I do this? Do you want this?," that he finally told me to just be quiet and leave him alone. But let's be honest ... what relationship is perfect? None. thats which one. And if it is, it's because you don't know that he has been cheating on you behind your back for 10 months. Annnddd ... a far as I'm concerned, I would LOVE for all of our friends and family to be involved in our lives. But only in a supportive manner. We both have a lot of very serious stressors in our lives. if you don't know what they are, you either aren't very observant, or you don't listen very well. So if the support isn't there for one or both of us, don't prepare to see one or much of the other. We are a team. And we support each other(note ... yes, i am speaking for myself only as he is currently asleep, and unavailable to consult, and i don't want to attach his name to anything without his permission, although i am about 99.9% sure he would agree). The main goal of my life, at the moment, is to delete as many unnessesary BS as possible, and aim for as much simplicity as possible. I already have a ton of UNavoidale BS, so let's gert rid of as much as I can.
III. Solutions
A. Delete facebook all together
B. Do a SERIOUS deleting session of about 80% of my friends list
C. Any other brilliant ideas that you all might have. I'm up for suggestions ...
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
When life gives you lemons ...
Hell. I dunno. I have a whole damn lemon forrest in my back yard right now. I could probably open up a market and sell them as fresh produce. At least then, I could make some money off of all of my misfortune!
Anyways ... Let me tell you all the Cliff's notes version of my life since about June.
1) I find out my fiance has been cheating on me. I knew something fishy was going on, so I went through his phone in the middle of the night, one night. As soon as I opened it, there were two new texts. I opened it up to a picture of some other female's ass. After a few weeks, much fighting, and much ado, I find out he has apparently been doing this for almost 10 months. Almost 1/2 of our relationship. All the while telling me to buy my dress, buy the invitations, pay the non refundable deposits for the reception site and ceremony site, coming to tastings with me, having me purchase the groomsmen outfits, having the girls order their dresses, having me spend almost $800 on our bridal party gifts. Etc, etc, etc. you get the point. By the end, I (well, my parents and i) were out a good $20K. Am I glad I found out before the wedding? Of course. Am I still pissed? You can bet your britches. Does he help me pay for anything (including the credit card bill he helped run up, or the car he had me cosign/be the main signee for? Of course not.
2) I get fired. For absolutely no reason at all, whatsoever. For the second time within a year. (which of course, in turn, makes me look like a terrible employee, and therefore, in the following months, makes it damn near impossible to get a job. For two reasons. One, I just got fired twice in a row. For two, I can't seem to work at one job for even a year.) but back to why I got fired. First, I must explain why I got hired. This particular restaurant had only been opened for maybe 4 months when I got there. They had already been through two GM's. They had yet to make a profit. Why, you may ask? They were only serving breakfast and lunch, only open 6 days a week, gave discounts to everyone under the sun, and paid 3 separate managers to work 6 am-3 pm. They brought me on to turn a profit. Plain and simple. I added a breakfast bar (cappuccino and espresso and pastries), I added dinner, and I started doing private events. I also cleaned up our downstairs area, hung tv's, and did a lot of marketing with the local hotels, and downtown businesses. Anyways, after about 6 months (as I was promised that if I completed all of these things, and if we started making money), I was terminated. The only explanation that I got was that the owner wanted to "go in a different direction." they gave me a months severance pay, and sent me on my way. I had never received any verbal or written warnings or write-ups. Just, ok, thanks for doing all the hard stuff. Now we are done with you.
3) not a week or so after that, my bridesmaids and I decided to continue our plans and go on my bachelorette trip, even though I wasn't getting married. We called it the "cheaper than a divorce" party. The very first thing i do, is give every girl their present for being in the wedding that they were now not going to be in - a personalized (by them, and therefore every pair was different) pair of Chuck Taylor tennis shoes. Each pair cost between $70-80 apiece, plus tax. But I still wanted them to have them. After getting off to a rough start, and me having to personally drive, and on top of that, drive my own 2004 car (for excuses such as "only my dad can take out my child's car seat" in a brand new accord, or " we won't be comfortable in my car bc it's too small" in a two door, almost new car, we left. In the oldest car of the 4. While noone else offered to help drive. The weekend went relatively well. Obviously, when you put 4 females alone together for 48 hours, something is bound to happen. But like I said ... It was mostly good. I wanted everyone to be happy, and get to do what they wanted to do, and they did, except for one thing. The only thing I put my foot down on ( and I wouldn't even say it like that, bc that's not how it happened), was that I didn't want to go to the City Museum. Yes, of museums, this is the least "museum-like," but it was still a bachelorette party, and the goal was to get out of Memphis, spend time together and have fun. I felt like we had gotten to do this, and I didn't want to do to a museum an hour before they closed, and pay $15 to get in. We had some issues with the hotel (which I solved, and even ended up getting the hotel room for free). But even after I had paid my own way through the whole weekend (which, let's admit ... Code and etiquette says I was not supposed to do, however I did not have a problem doing, and gotten the hotel room for free, I had people that were bitching about pitching in to pay for gas money. Really?!?!?! WTF?!?!? Then, as we are driving home, one of the girls attempts to confiscate my phone from me (because I am driving and looking at pictures, and it was so unsafe). Not offer to drive. Just steal my phone, like I am a 3 y/o. Then, when we got home, some actions occurred by the two girls I've known the longest ... Since the 6th grade. So, about 15 Years. I was told how selfish I was, how all we did was what I wanted to do, etc, etc. and then they promptly left. And I haven't talked to either of them since that day in mid June.
4) After my fiance and I had broken up, i had a friend and her son move in with me. I had worked with her for a while, and thought I knew her relatively well, and she didn't have anywhere else to go. So I thought I was doing what was right. But as a roommate, she never cleaned. She hardly ever did the dishes. She YELLED at her son to go to sleep, at ALL hours of the night. And she thought that because she had an EBT card, and helped buy groceries, (emphasis on the world helped, because it was still 95% her and her sons), that all she had to buy was food. For the longest, she didn't even buy her own toilet paper. And I'm about 99% sure that the entire time she lived here, the only thing she ever bought was laundry detergent (and that was about 1/2 way through). She NEVER bought drier sheets, paper towels, dishwasher soap, trash bags, or anything like that. ..... we will revisit her later.
5) my Mom and I go on my "Mommy-moon." that just kinda was what it was. Towards the end of it, out of nowhere, my OTHER fiance from like 6 or 7 years ago, that I havent said a single word to, in over 5 years, finds me on facebook, and randomly sends me a message, asking me how I am. We proceed to catch up, he tells me he has gone to rehab, has had a son, is in school ... all sorts of things. It seems as though he has finally gotten his shit together. When I get home, we get together and hang out (as friends). We realize that we still care about each other, and the reasons that I was forced to break up with him, he has seemingly fixed, so we try to give this whole thing another shot. Things started off almost perfectly, between us. And, I fell in love with his son the exact moment that I met him. However, the roomate preferred the all female style house. That's when trouble started brewing. My medicine started disappearing. My money started disappearing. Roomate started being a super bitch. Obviously roommate started causing a rift b/w boyfriend and myself, not to mention that he wasn't quite as "remade" as he made himself out to be. After the second time my medicine was gone, I had to file a police report, or my dr (a pain management OBGYN) wouldn't see me anymore. As soon as I called the police, and they showed up, she flipped her lid, and pretty much kicked herself out of the house. Then, she started sending me threatening text messages, such as "dumb bitch, you better watch your back," and things of that nature. Therefore, I was forced to get a restraining order against her. As for the boyfriend, even after she left, money and pills still ended up missing. His only excuses were that I "must have spent it somewhere and I dont remember" and that "I either hid it from myself, or I took 22 pills, and just don't remember." Now, I don't know if he thinks I'm a complete moron, or what, exactly makes him think I'm going to believe some bologna like that, but out the door, he went to. While his excuse to his family was, "She just thinks she's too good for everybody. No one is good enough for her."
6) Admist all of this, my father (who was worried about me dating him again, due to what happened the last time we were together) pretty much gave me the ultimatum of, I either choose him and the rest of my family, or I choose someone who could potentially BE my family, when the rest of my family is dead. Insert decision of a lifetime.
7) And, then there are the reasons why I will randomly tell you that I am having a bad day, or I don't feel good. For those of you that don't know much about me, or much about these words that I'm about to use, here goes:
a) I have endometriosis. I have had it as long as I can remember. The dr's have been wanting me to have a hysterectomy since I was about 23. I've had surgery twice, and gone through fake menopause twice. I'm hoping to have surgery again before the end of the year. And I've decided to try to have a child on my own in 2014. If it doesn't happen by then, I'll go on and take it out, and go the adoption route. But, here's info on endo:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/endometriosis/DS00289
b) I have lupus. Incredibly bad joint pain and stiffness, headaches, memory loss. If I do too much, too fast, without any break, anywhere in the middle, or I forget to take my medicine, I am worthless. I might as well find somewhere, anywhere to just go on and lay down, because I'm going to go to sleep. In bed, in the office, on the floor wherever I am ... it doesn't matter.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lupus/DS00115
c) severe migraines. We're talking about the kind of migraines where you can hear every sound. Like the leaves rustling in the backyard. And the cars driving down the road. And the dog breathing. And your watch ticking. But you hear them all at once. And any slight bit of light, makes your head hurt even more. Put the two together, and you are running to the bathroom to throw up. That's why my bedroom is painted DARK purple, and the only two windows have wooden slat blinds that STAY closed, AND curtains over the blinds. It's like a cave.
d) Irritable Bowel Syndrome - caused by stress and all the meds
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/irritable-bowel-syndrome/DS00106
e) panic attacks, OCD, arthritis ... you know ... only about 1/2 of the medical dictionary.
So ... that's me. that's my life. that's why i bitch and moan sometimes. errr ...a lot.
Anyways ... Let me tell you all the Cliff's notes version of my life since about June.
1) I find out my fiance has been cheating on me. I knew something fishy was going on, so I went through his phone in the middle of the night, one night. As soon as I opened it, there were two new texts. I opened it up to a picture of some other female's ass. After a few weeks, much fighting, and much ado, I find out he has apparently been doing this for almost 10 months. Almost 1/2 of our relationship. All the while telling me to buy my dress, buy the invitations, pay the non refundable deposits for the reception site and ceremony site, coming to tastings with me, having me purchase the groomsmen outfits, having the girls order their dresses, having me spend almost $800 on our bridal party gifts. Etc, etc, etc. you get the point. By the end, I (well, my parents and i) were out a good $20K. Am I glad I found out before the wedding? Of course. Am I still pissed? You can bet your britches. Does he help me pay for anything (including the credit card bill he helped run up, or the car he had me cosign/be the main signee for? Of course not.
2) I get fired. For absolutely no reason at all, whatsoever. For the second time within a year. (which of course, in turn, makes me look like a terrible employee, and therefore, in the following months, makes it damn near impossible to get a job. For two reasons. One, I just got fired twice in a row. For two, I can't seem to work at one job for even a year.) but back to why I got fired. First, I must explain why I got hired. This particular restaurant had only been opened for maybe 4 months when I got there. They had already been through two GM's. They had yet to make a profit. Why, you may ask? They were only serving breakfast and lunch, only open 6 days a week, gave discounts to everyone under the sun, and paid 3 separate managers to work 6 am-3 pm. They brought me on to turn a profit. Plain and simple. I added a breakfast bar (cappuccino and espresso and pastries), I added dinner, and I started doing private events. I also cleaned up our downstairs area, hung tv's, and did a lot of marketing with the local hotels, and downtown businesses. Anyways, after about 6 months (as I was promised that if I completed all of these things, and if we started making money), I was terminated. The only explanation that I got was that the owner wanted to "go in a different direction." they gave me a months severance pay, and sent me on my way. I had never received any verbal or written warnings or write-ups. Just, ok, thanks for doing all the hard stuff. Now we are done with you.
3) not a week or so after that, my bridesmaids and I decided to continue our plans and go on my bachelorette trip, even though I wasn't getting married. We called it the "cheaper than a divorce" party. The very first thing i do, is give every girl their present for being in the wedding that they were now not going to be in - a personalized (by them, and therefore every pair was different) pair of Chuck Taylor tennis shoes. Each pair cost between $70-80 apiece, plus tax. But I still wanted them to have them. After getting off to a rough start, and me having to personally drive, and on top of that, drive my own 2004 car (for excuses such as "only my dad can take out my child's car seat" in a brand new accord, or " we won't be comfortable in my car bc it's too small" in a two door, almost new car, we left. In the oldest car of the 4. While noone else offered to help drive. The weekend went relatively well. Obviously, when you put 4 females alone together for 48 hours, something is bound to happen. But like I said ... It was mostly good. I wanted everyone to be happy, and get to do what they wanted to do, and they did, except for one thing. The only thing I put my foot down on ( and I wouldn't even say it like that, bc that's not how it happened), was that I didn't want to go to the City Museum. Yes, of museums, this is the least "museum-like," but it was still a bachelorette party, and the goal was to get out of Memphis, spend time together and have fun. I felt like we had gotten to do this, and I didn't want to do to a museum an hour before they closed, and pay $15 to get in. We had some issues with the hotel (which I solved, and even ended up getting the hotel room for free). But even after I had paid my own way through the whole weekend (which, let's admit ... Code and etiquette says I was not supposed to do, however I did not have a problem doing, and gotten the hotel room for free, I had people that were bitching about pitching in to pay for gas money. Really?!?!?! WTF?!?!? Then, as we are driving home, one of the girls attempts to confiscate my phone from me (because I am driving and looking at pictures, and it was so unsafe). Not offer to drive. Just steal my phone, like I am a 3 y/o. Then, when we got home, some actions occurred by the two girls I've known the longest ... Since the 6th grade. So, about 15 Years. I was told how selfish I was, how all we did was what I wanted to do, etc, etc. and then they promptly left. And I haven't talked to either of them since that day in mid June.
4) After my fiance and I had broken up, i had a friend and her son move in with me. I had worked with her for a while, and thought I knew her relatively well, and she didn't have anywhere else to go. So I thought I was doing what was right. But as a roommate, she never cleaned. She hardly ever did the dishes. She YELLED at her son to go to sleep, at ALL hours of the night. And she thought that because she had an EBT card, and helped buy groceries, (emphasis on the world helped, because it was still 95% her and her sons), that all she had to buy was food. For the longest, she didn't even buy her own toilet paper. And I'm about 99% sure that the entire time she lived here, the only thing she ever bought was laundry detergent (and that was about 1/2 way through). She NEVER bought drier sheets, paper towels, dishwasher soap, trash bags, or anything like that. ..... we will revisit her later.
5) my Mom and I go on my "Mommy-moon." that just kinda was what it was. Towards the end of it, out of nowhere, my OTHER fiance from like 6 or 7 years ago, that I havent said a single word to, in over 5 years, finds me on facebook, and randomly sends me a message, asking me how I am. We proceed to catch up, he tells me he has gone to rehab, has had a son, is in school ... all sorts of things. It seems as though he has finally gotten his shit together. When I get home, we get together and hang out (as friends). We realize that we still care about each other, and the reasons that I was forced to break up with him, he has seemingly fixed, so we try to give this whole thing another shot. Things started off almost perfectly, between us. And, I fell in love with his son the exact moment that I met him. However, the roomate preferred the all female style house. That's when trouble started brewing. My medicine started disappearing. My money started disappearing. Roomate started being a super bitch. Obviously roommate started causing a rift b/w boyfriend and myself, not to mention that he wasn't quite as "remade" as he made himself out to be. After the second time my medicine was gone, I had to file a police report, or my dr (a pain management OBGYN) wouldn't see me anymore. As soon as I called the police, and they showed up, she flipped her lid, and pretty much kicked herself out of the house. Then, she started sending me threatening text messages, such as "dumb bitch, you better watch your back," and things of that nature. Therefore, I was forced to get a restraining order against her. As for the boyfriend, even after she left, money and pills still ended up missing. His only excuses were that I "must have spent it somewhere and I dont remember" and that "I either hid it from myself, or I took 22 pills, and just don't remember." Now, I don't know if he thinks I'm a complete moron, or what, exactly makes him think I'm going to believe some bologna like that, but out the door, he went to. While his excuse to his family was, "She just thinks she's too good for everybody. No one is good enough for her."
6) Admist all of this, my father (who was worried about me dating him again, due to what happened the last time we were together) pretty much gave me the ultimatum of, I either choose him and the rest of my family, or I choose someone who could potentially BE my family, when the rest of my family is dead. Insert decision of a lifetime.
7) And, then there are the reasons why I will randomly tell you that I am having a bad day, or I don't feel good. For those of you that don't know much about me, or much about these words that I'm about to use, here goes:
a) I have endometriosis. I have had it as long as I can remember. The dr's have been wanting me to have a hysterectomy since I was about 23. I've had surgery twice, and gone through fake menopause twice. I'm hoping to have surgery again before the end of the year. And I've decided to try to have a child on my own in 2014. If it doesn't happen by then, I'll go on and take it out, and go the adoption route. But, here's info on endo:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/endometriosis/DS00289
b) I have lupus. Incredibly bad joint pain and stiffness, headaches, memory loss. If I do too much, too fast, without any break, anywhere in the middle, or I forget to take my medicine, I am worthless. I might as well find somewhere, anywhere to just go on and lay down, because I'm going to go to sleep. In bed, in the office, on the floor wherever I am ... it doesn't matter.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lupus/DS00115
c) severe migraines. We're talking about the kind of migraines where you can hear every sound. Like the leaves rustling in the backyard. And the cars driving down the road. And the dog breathing. And your watch ticking. But you hear them all at once. And any slight bit of light, makes your head hurt even more. Put the two together, and you are running to the bathroom to throw up. That's why my bedroom is painted DARK purple, and the only two windows have wooden slat blinds that STAY closed, AND curtains over the blinds. It's like a cave.
d) Irritable Bowel Syndrome - caused by stress and all the meds
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/irritable-bowel-syndrome/DS00106
e) panic attacks, OCD, arthritis ... you know ... only about 1/2 of the medical dictionary.
So ... that's me. that's my life. that's why i bitch and moan sometimes. errr ...a lot.
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