When one week feels like 3 years ...

If one week is 7 days, therefore 24 hrs X 7 days, therefore 60 min X each hour, and 60 sec per min ... each week = 604,800 seconds in a week

If you say one week feels like 3 years, and one year is 52 weeks, that is 94,348,800 seconds in those theoretical three years.

There is a whole lot that you can cover in that amount of time. And if you consider that one week is the equivalent to three years, then one second is the approximate equivalent to 2.5 minutes. So you're definitely going at lightning speed. And while most of that is perfectly ok with you (albeit, insane to the rest of the world), there are still things left to be covered that there simply isn't enough time to have been covered yet.

Sure ... you can establish within 23 minutes that you've found your soulmate. That ONE person in the world that accepts you for who you are, and loves you no matter what. The one who makes your heart beat faster, and you can never stop thinking about. The one you trust your whole life with. The one you WANT to make a life with ... spend the rest of your life with. Make a family with.

You can easily (or relatively easily, for the purposes of this case)decide on all of the easy things. ie, if youre sure its right, when you move in, when you get married, when you start the family, what furniture to keep, move, etc, etc, etc

But there are so many things that are so much harder ... like accepting each other's baggage, and all that comes with it. Like the fact that I have been broken up with in terrible situations more than once ... and two of them, you are theoretically both of the two guys, rolled into one. Do I want to be jealous? Do I want to worry? Hell no. I don't want to think about this bull shit at ALL! But it's there. It's always there. I can never stop thinking about it. For one, yes, of course your son is the number one person in your entire life. And therefore his mother will be there, whether I like it or not, for the next 18 years. But you want to know the truth? I fucking hate it. Know why? Because I've been there. When mother and father sit there and text or call and talk incessantly, and it always "about the kids," and it's always "so important," and half the time it doesn't have to do with shit except mom trying to get back with dad, or one trying to piss off the other one, and I'm just supposed to sit there with a damn smile on my face like everything is fucking peachy? Well guess what? It's not. Know why? Because for one, I don't even know what the hell yall are talking about, and for two, the whole time I am feeling like she is more important than me. Not your son ... her. Because it isn't "ok, here's the deal with your son," and it's over. It's always some long drawn out hour or more conversation. And you, self admittedly, have stated that you "love us all equally" ... whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.

What else bothers me? sex. and you already know it, and you already know why. I think we've officially beat this subject to a dead horse.

Last but not least. This subject is the hardest for me to talk about, and will probably be the hardest for you to read. Your mom. Now am I trying to replace her? Hell no. My mother is my OWN best friend. Am I trying to tell you not to be there for her? Hell no. I know that she needs you to be there for her. But again, if we are discussing planning a life together ... then does not that make her MY mom too? OR are WE going quickly, but you and your MOM are on an entirely different level? Just like when we talked before. How to me, I am most important, but to her, she is most important. I'm not trying to take any mother/son time away from you and her. But I also don't want you to wait until 3 months before we're supposed to get married, when you finally decide to tell her. I don't want you to be living with me, but NOT be living with me, unless mother has given you the approval for the night. And I know a lot of this sound harsh. And I don't mean for it to sound that way. And that's why I haven't said any of it yet. Because there is no easy way to.

But then there is everything else:

1) how do we want to raise our children (crying, spanking, discipline, etc)

2) how many do we want?

3) how often and honest are we going to be?

4) when we get married, and even essentially now, seeing as we have supposedly already promised the rest of our lives to each other, at which point, the two people are to become one, why is it that I am "equally loved, along with 4 other people?"

5) how do we manage our finances? what is most important? bills? private school? going out?

we have both been through shitty relationships. and we have both very recently ended some. and we both are old enough that we have figured out exactly what we want. and to the best of both of our knowledge, that is each other. we want a family. we want marriage. we want people we can trust. we just want EACH OTHER! But we have to start doing more of your favorite word (communicating) and less of your favorite activity (ummm .... duh!), and make sure we are doing what we are both sure is right. And we know that we're doing everything we can, to make it the last time. for both of us.