Sunday, January 14, 2018

Why Justice isn't Always JUST





Corruption in MS Judicial System                                            
       Tips the Scales Beyond                   The Point of No Return


There have been plenty of times, especially recently, where the MS state Judicial System has grossly let us down, as we, the people.  As a whole, I would say that it would not be over-reaching to state that MS continues to be what could be referred to as a “Good ‘Ole Boys” state. There is, however recently, the time when it was finally discovered that the former MS corrections commissioner Chris Epps was leading a bribery scandal, and he was arrested, sentenced, and fined.  However, when only a few years ago, then Judge Reedy was found with his hand up a young girl’s skirt, his only punishment was to step back from judgeship and return to being a practicing attorney, have his name go unprinted in the phonebook, and have all records of his story expunged from the internet.  So which Attn Reedy could this be?  And why does the state of MS not treat everyone fairly?  Why do we continue to see lawsuits versus the state, with wrongful deaths occurring of inmates while in the care of the Desoto County Prison System?  Clearly, we have an underlying problem at play with our judicial system.

I’m going to tell you a story about someone that MS is persecuting unfairly.  I won’t give you his name, because you need to see the situation for what it is, no matter who it is about. To give you some history, about twenty years ago, his motto would have been that he is “Grinding to shine.”  But he has learned a lot in those twenty years.  He is a two-time convicted felon.  He would be the first one to admit to any crime that he committed, and willing to pay the price for it.  But in the past few years, his life has become drastically different.  His motto has changed.  Now he say he’s “Grinding to disappear.”  He doesn’t want to be in the spotlight anymore.  He wants to be forgotten … by almost everyone.  I’m writing this because he is the father of my godson. And all he wants to do is follow the rules, be left alone, and be there for his family and his son.

So let me tell you a little bit about how he is being persecuted by the state of MS, and every arm of its judicial system.  First, this whole thing started when he was pulled over for an improper turn.  At this point, he was made to exit the vehicle, which was then searched.  The police found a sheathed dirk knife (and a machete, which, oddly enough is NOT considered a weapon).  What the police didn’t know was that the dirk knife wasn’t considered a weapon until it was unsheathed. So he ended up winning that indictment – but not before a whole host of other instances of harassment ensued.

One particular officer has been harassing him almost to the point of stalking.  His name is Officer Danny Wilkey.  He also perjured himself on the stand in the aforementioned indictment, as he changed his statement from what he originally said.  When the defendant was serving as his own co-counsel and questioning Officer Wilkey, the defendant was so quick to ask him questions and so fast to retort with follow-ups, that Officer Wilkey (even though he had his police report in his hand), kept tripping over his responses.  Seeing as the defendant had the TRUTH on his side, and didn’t have to think about his answers, he didn’t have to stop and think about his answer, and therefore his response time was immediate, and his answers never faltered.  However, unfortunately the same cannot be said about Officer Wilkey.

Officers Wilkey and Perkins were two of the officers there on the scene the night of the turn signal debacle.  There were six police cars at the scene, even though Officer Wilkey said that the line was busy so he couldn’t phone in the call.  While the defendant was in handcuffs in the back of the police car, his girlfriend (and mother of his son) was on the curb of the sidewalk.  One of the officers asked her if she knew what the defendant’s tattoos meant.  She replied that yes, of course she did, because he is a very honest person.  They responded that he wasn’t a good person and that she was hanging out with the wrong crowd and that he was going to influence her, etc.  The police then walked away slightly and started talking amongst themselves, and the girlfriend overheard them.  While the defendant openly admits that he was once a member of a gang, he also gave himself to God in 2010, had a child in 2015, and has since made very different lifestyle choices.  His life is currently about nothing but his family and God.  His girlfriend overheard the officer’s saying that they were going to find a way to make the traffic stop gang-related (simply because of his tattoos), and the fact that he USED to be affiliated).   This ALONE is falsification of a police report.  She then overheard them saying they couldn’t do it, followed by them said “We’ll figure it out.”

After his dirk knife was confiscated this morning, he was arrested.  But let me give a little more detail of how, exactly, we got from A to Z …  After they initially pulled them over for the turn signal, they were immediately asked to pull over, exit the vehicle, and asked if the police could search the vehicle.  T Officer Wilkey (the stalker, if you will) was the officer that pulled them over, however five other police cars magically appeared.  After hours of searching through the vehicle, they confiscated the dirk knife, but did not give him a property receipt.  They proceeded to arrest him, because he had a warrant for his arrest for child support. His bond was $2,500 to get out of jail.  When he was released from jail, he had a ticket for the improper turn, careless driving, no insurance, and no license.  He served one hundred hours of community service for this.  Upon completion, he asked the judge what he could do to get his dirk knife back, as it was from his father, who had recently passed away.  The judge told him that if he did not have a property receipt, to go to the front desk at the police station and talk to whomever was there.  Right as he was walking out of the courtroom, NINE officers were there prepared to arrest him (the defendant).  However … they weren’t exactly completely prepared … as they didn’t have the warrant.  The defendant asked them repeatedly to see the warrant, and the only answer that he was given was that it “wasn’t ready yet.”  He was then brought to the county jail where he was processed and he finally saw the warrant for having a “felony possession of a dirk knike” in his vehicle, which came to be the aforementioned indictment, of which he was unanimously found innocent. 

To this day, the defendant still does not have his dirk knife back.  The police’s reasoning is that they have to keep it because it is “evidence in a case.”  However doesn’t it being “evidence in a case” imply that there is an actual CASE or CRIME?  Should not the defendant be able to re-obtain the property that his late father left him, seeing as no crime has been committed, and there is not case to solve?  If the only “crime” to speak of was the “felony possession” … the jury unanimously voted that that particular item was not to be considered a weapon for various reasons; so should not the police return the property to its rightful owner? 

The whole trial, it was evident that the prosecuting team, the judge, and possibly even his own attorney were all on their own team, fighting against the defendant … fighting for him to lose.  They all had their own mindset that for one, they were the good guys and he was the bad guy, and for two, that he was a stupid bad guy.  Everything that he thought of that was either an idea that might help him, or a smart idea … they would just shoot it down.  He wanted to get a hair sample for his girlfriend to prove that she had never done heroin, because one of the police officers was trying to say that she was a heroin addict.  He wanted to prove that the officer was lying and show their perjury.  He was told that it had nothing to do with the case.  He wanted to sit as co-counsel – everyone opposed him.  When the trial was over, and he had finally won, the prosecuting attorney and Attn Jack Jones came to him and said something to the effect of  “It’s ok, we’re still working on [getting you on] something [else].”

While on parole, the defendant has been meeting with his parole officer, as per schedule.  Even his parole officer, Mr. Smith, has said “You need to nip shit in the bud and file a lawsuit against the state of Mississippi” for all of the heinous crimes against [your] civil rights.  The Civil Right Act of 1983 protects the defendant against being persecuted in a manner such as this, in so many ways, to such a degree.  But the worst part about it is, that it’s the Judicial System that is the one doing the violating - the police force, the attorneys, and the judges.  The sad part is … it’s not the first time that this had happened.  What’s even worse is, the last stop, the penal system, might have the worst reputation of them all.  Have you seen how many lawsuits are out there?  How many wrongful death suits there are, while in MS correctional facilities … how many lawsuits there are for brazen assaults by correctional officers, for no reason at all, all within the state of Mississippi?

This particular man … while you all may not know him in person … I am telling you that he is more than willing to go to jail for a crime that he committed.  However, as previously stated, since he has given his life to God, and since he had his son, his life is only about his family and the righteous path. The problem is, however, that is he goes to jail in Mississippi … for ANYTHING … for any amount of time … they (the use of they, in this sense, you can refer to it is “The Good ‘Ole Boys System”) will use their powers to dispose of him, whether it is getting another inmate to beat him up or kill him, or get a correctional officer to do it himself.  While it is 100 % true that we do not foresee any reason that he should be or should WARRANT being arrested, that does not mean that the MS police force will not fabricate some excuse, such as the previous “improper turn.”  All that we are asking here is for the bare minimum … his life.  In the ideal case, we could have his parole transferred to Memphis, TN, so that he would not have to go to MS anymore.  In the next step above that, we would ask that, should be arrested for whatever reason, he be placed on inter-state compact to Shelby County.  This is all being done because this man has been unjustly and unlawfully judged on his supposed actions rather than his ACTUAL actions and his character.  His past is not the same as his present.  Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.  These strong arms of justice need to remember that no one is perfect … and there isn’t necessarily always just the “Good Guys” and the “Bad Guys.”  Sometimes we learn our lessons later in life.  But isn’t the point in life just that we learn them …?

Thank you all for your time, in reading this short blog!  It means SO much to us and our cause.  Please share with everyone you can think  of!  Let’s spread this like wildfire, for two reasons … To get the words out that MS’s justice system isn’t as pristine as they like everyone to think it is, and to get more justice in our lives!  Thanks so much everyone J

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

When I'm With You ...

When I'm with you I feel at home When I'm with you, I feel such a peace about myself When I'm with you, I never feel alone When I'm with you, my heart and mind are at ease. When I'm with you, I know I have found my forever Knowing you are by my side, makes me happier than I could ever imagine I feel such a calm about myself that I never thought would happen We finally made it right, found our place, in each other, made it home. In your arms, or laying beside you I've never been more at ease Nothing has ever felt so right, Holding you so close, never wanting to let go I hold you next to me, I hold you so tight For I want time to stop in that moment For that moment is what my dreams are made of. We haven't always been perfect We haven't always done everything the right way But this time ... Right here, right now ... This time, I just know we're both here to stay. I will give you everything I have ... All that I am All I ask for in return, is you give me your love Your love, your faithfulness, your trust, all that you can To each other, we should have nothing to prove We already know that love exists Now ... Let's let our love prevail.

Monday, February 1, 2016

For those of you that are too damn nosey for your own good

Since there are apparently several of you that have nothing better to do than to read my facebook status's and posts, take your own opinion of what they may or may not mean, take your pre-conceived notion (or one-sided story) of what may or may not have happened to me in my life recently, and then go on and show my ex what I posted, along with whatever hyped up version of what you think it means ... Let me address a few things for you. 1) When I said "What's always crazy to me is when you finally realize that what you had all along was never real. You're not sure if you should be mad or laugh ... But one thing is for sure ... It makes it so much easier to just keep on rollin' ... #neverlookingback" ... It was after finding some of the following posts that he had made. Some of these were DURING the course of our relationship. Some of them were either the DAY we broke up, or during the week or two after we broke up. Now, please keep in mind, we broke up on Jan 13 (2 weeks ago). We were planning on getting married by the end of the month of this January (ie ... now). Now ... it is of my own personal opinion that if you are planning on marrying someone, obviously you care a LOT about them. So I, personally, feel that you wouldn't be thinking about other people ... certainly not WHILE you are together. Also, regardless of how the breakup went, it would make logical sense to me, that you wouldn't IMMEDIATELY be hitting on other women. But again ... maybe that's just me. But the post I made, was put up after seeing that he had made the following comments on various women's pictures on various social media sites. All were made either throughout our relationship, or just recently, right after our breakup ... 1) Person #1 "Astonishingly Gorgeous Lady" 5 days ago 2) "Very Beautiful" 4 weeks ago 3) Person #2 "Very Gorgeous Lady" 3 days ago 4) "Gorgeous ladies!" 2 days ago 5) Person #3 "Naturally Gorgeous" 6 days ago 6) "Wow! #model" 2 weeks ago 7) Person #4 - her to him "Who forgot to call ? Xoxo Hmmm" 20 weeks ago 8) Person #5 "Beautiful!" 24 weeks ago 9) Person #6 Supermodel!" 22 weeks ago 10) "So Naturally Beautiful" 30 weeks ago 11) Person #7 "Wow" 27 weeks ago 12) "Shhhhhhh gorgeous" 27 weeks ago 13) "Wow sexiness" 27 weeks ago 14) "Beautiful" 27 weeks ago 15) "Damn it Bobby!" 27 weeks ago 16) Person #8 "Astoundingly Naturally Gorgeous #WORDSDOYOUNOJUSTICE" 3 weeks ago 17) Person #9 "Gorgeous" 7 weeks ago - I would post more, but honestly, I just don't feel like spending any more time finding them. These are just a few from the profiles that aren't even private ... which just goes to show how many more there are, where those came from. 2) The second thing I would like to address, is why I have made so many comments regarding social media, and why I feel that it is the downfall of relationships. That, and how I feel that relationships seem to no longer be able to have the focus of monogamy. I feel that the above listings firmly show some data to support that logic. Along with that, throughout our relationship, we continually argued over one particular friend that I had ... and we never spoke often. And when we did, all it was, was a few texts. We never hung out, the entire time we were together. However, apparently, it was a REALLY big problem that he was my "friend" on social media, and "liked" all of the pictures I posted. So, I was told that I needed to "de-friend" him. However, he was allowed to be "friends" with all of the above women, and follow pages such as the following: 1) INSTABESTBOOTIES - posting nothing but pictures of women's asses in thongs 2) BUTTBUILDING - "World's best butts and bodies" 3) TITTZNTATTZ 4) BOOBSBUTTSBIGTRUCKS 5) 10-20 "Instagram models" - ie girls w practically naked pics 6) 10-20 "Work-Out/I'm Fit" pages - People who workout and pose in their workout gear 1/2 naked - but again - it's a problem for me to be friends with one guy. but it's ok for you to not only look at naked women all day, but FLIRT with them also, as if you're single. 3) As for the "Open Letter to the Boy Who Didn't Appreciate Me" ... there have been several boys/men who haven't appreciated me. But this one was probably the worst of all. Bc I did more for him that I have for anyone else. I would wake up early every single day of the week, just to wake him up. Bc he slept thru his own alarms. I made and brought him coffee in bed. Every single day. I would pack him lunch, plenty of times writing him sweet notes to go in it. I would make sure he was ready for work, and out the door, before I would even start to get ready myself. And we had to be at work at the SAME TIME. And we BOTH worked DOWNTOWN. If he ever wanted or needed anything ... I got it. If he needed appointments made ... I made them. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bday/christmas present shopping. I paid all of the bills. I made all of the dinners, AND I cleaned the dishes. The entire time he lived with me, he never cleaned ONE SINGLE DISH. He didn't even know where the dishes WENT. He never ONCE ran the dishwasher. He never washed clothes. He never bought his own underwear. I had to make him a bank account. When he wanted a new truck, how did he get it? Me. When he wanted a $2,000 gold chain ...? Me. When he needed new tires ...? Me. I would drop any and everything for that boy to make him happy. And what was he doing the whole time ...? Talking to other women. That's why we made the joint facebook in the first place. Because that's what he was doing on his facebook account. Asking other women if he could hook up with them, and asking for naked pictures. But I stupidly stayed with him. Bc I loved him. There would be a day once every month or two where it would seem like he appreciated me ... but looking back on it now ... it seems like all he was doing was throwing me a bone, so I would just keep doing everything for him. Being his sugar momma. Treating him like a spoiled little brat. Soooooo ... you tell me. Am I just bitching? Am I blowing things out of proportion? Or is maybe your friend just not the person you thought he was ...?

Saturday, January 16, 2016

You know when ...

Sometimes when you jump in feet first, the first thing you break is your heart. But sometimes, things actually work. Sometimes, it's the right one. And sometimes, you want it to be right so bad, that you would do anything to make it work. And sometimes I actually wonder if that's what this is for you ... Bc I know how bad you want it ... And Lord knows, I don't want to get hurt again ... Call me crazy, but my head says that my feet hit the ground. And my heart could tell you exactly when it knew. At this point in my life, I want consistency, stability, respect, and loyalty. You've given me all four since day one. That makes me want to give you the whole world. I would give you the entire world, served on a plate for breakfast if I could. With your coffee, of course ;) Never before have I even desired, much less attempted, to do so much for someone. To be at their beck and call. But I truly have the desire to do that for you. And I honestly don't even know why. I just know that I would go to the ends of this earth to make you happy. You came into my life one day and I knew I didn't ever want you to leave. You came to spend the night, and you never DID leave. I just hope this IS our happily ever after. The fairy tale ending that we've both been looking for, for so long.

To my future daughter/neices/all single women ... and those guys that are just nosey

There will be many different types of men in your life ... and many different types of love. And I encourage you to experience them all as you grow up. I encourage you to find someone whom you love so fiercely, with such raw emotion and passion that you don't even know how to describe it or what to do with yourself. And then when it ends, and your heart is shattered into a million pieces, I want you to know that you WILL find the strength and courage to continue on, and you WILL still find love again. It will be a different, and better kind of love. Possibly not as earth-shattering, but equally as important and even more fulfilling. And as you age, and mature, you will learn that you don't actually WANT that earth-shattering, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching kind of love. You will learn that stability, consistency, respect, and loyalty are quite possibly the sexiest qualities you can find in a man. And they can be just as toe-curling as a really steamy romp in the bedroom. When you find that one person that can honestly be your EVERYTHING - your soul-mate, your best friend, your lover, your partner-in-crime, your strength in your time of weakness ... THAT will be "the one." But I also encourage you to have your experiences with each one of your loves, as you are growing up, before you find "the one" that you decide will become your happily ever after. Because I don't know that it's ever truly possible to really appreciate the real thing, without having first experienced heartbreak. I know that I, personally, had two people that I would have sworn to you at the time, that I was going to marry. And two people (one was the same as the aforementioned) that we just ALWAYS had perfect ... chemisty **wink,wink** And that one person who was in both categories, I was six weeks from walking down the aisle with. And then ... I found out he had been cheating on me. For a year. That's right, girls ... a year. As in, the entire time we had been planning the wedding. I say all this to say ... when you find that "special someone" that everything is ssssooooo perfect, and you have SsssOoooo much chemistry, and you are SO in love, and your heart beats a bajillion miles an hour, and everything seems like the perfect fairy tale ... enjoy it. Please ... enjoy it! It's part of your youth, and you will have an amazing time for as long as it lasts. Mine was about two years. But ladies ... he is NOT "the one." "The one" makes your heart flutter in a different way. He will be your best friend. Instead of saying "I want to go to this party/concert/game" he will say "let's go to this family event/come meet my brother/sister/parents/etc". Instead of saying will you buy me ______, he will bring you home a little special something, "just because." Instead of complaining about what's wrong with him or how he doesn't feel good, he will ask about your day, how you're doing, and ask if you've eaten. When you make dinner, he might help you. With my parents, they joke that my dad is my mom's sous chef. At my house, it doesn't matter what I make, but no matter what I make, the response is always, "Thanks baby, that was SO good." You're going to eat it, you're going to like it, and you're going to be appreciative of it. The joke at my house is "I could make fried dog turds, and you would eat it." So, like I said earlier ... stability, consistency, respect, and loyalty. Loyalty is pretty self explanatory. You should be the only person in your signficant other's love life. You should know that. You should FEEL like it. You should never have any reason to question it. If there is reason for doubt, you need to address it. Because if he is doing something that makes you feel like there could be someone else, and I know this feeling all too well ... it will haunt you. It will keep you up at night. You will lose sleep. And with me, it made me feel like everyone else knew a secret, and I was the punch-line of the joke. You deserve better than to ever feel like this. You must demand it. And no matter what, stay true to yourself. Respect. You must first respect yourself, and then you must demand it from everyone else. If you don't first respect yourself, then the second is impossible. But once the first is accomplished, then the second should automatically follow. But if he doesn't respect you, then no amount of love will be able to fix this. Consistency. I could set a clock by my hubby's routine, and by our routine in the morning. And you know what? That is incredibly comforting. Because it let's me know that there's no "funny business" going on. And I know that he is always going to call and let me know if something is going to change with the schedule. I always know that he is safe, and where he is, and therefore I don't have to worry. If and when the schedule and/or the consistency changes ... THAT'S when I would start to worry. Appreciation. This one is the most amusing to me. Because men always want to have their egos stroked, and hear about how wonderful and amazing they are, and want us to thank them for everything, etc etc. They want to be spoiled, and have us cater to their every wimb, and treat them like the king of the castle. Likewise, they get their panties in a wad when they do something for us, and we don't acknowledge or thank them for it. "Hey, did you see that I unloaded the dishwasher?" (What he means is, "Hey, don't you see that I unloaded the dishwasher?!?! Aren't you going to tell me what a great job I did, and thank me for it?" And what you really want to say is, "Congratulations! I do the dishes the other 364 days out the year ... you never thank ME for doing them! LOL") So it's a fine line ... appreciation, that is. Because men often forget to thank us for all of the things we do. Or maybe we are just more sensitive, and we want to be appreciated just as much as they do. I read once, that the reason that men don't acknowledge and verbally thank us (women), is because that would be acknowledging that they "need" our help, and they don't want to acknowledge that they "need" anyone's help, because they are "so superior and can do anything by themselves" (kind of like the whole "We don't ask for directions" thing). But that doesn't change the fact that we still want to be appreciated and we want them to verbally acknowledge all of the sweet and thoughtful things that we do for them. However, the truth of the matter is ... we will probably just never get that to the extent that we really want. So we're much better off simply knowing and accepting that fact, and blaming it on "asking for directions," then we are dwelling on it. So, girls, I leave you with this ... love. Love hard, love freely, and keep an open mind and an open heart. One day, after you've experienced love, and a broken heart, and you've put it back together with super-glue and duct tape (maybe even missing a few pieces) ... you will find "the one." But "the one" will look a lot more like "the boy next door" than Prince Charming. Honey ... Prince Charming was the one you almost married. He knew all the right things to say, and he knew exactly what you wanted to hear. That's how he got away with everything for so long. But "the boy next door" ... he will be your best friend over everything else. He's your fairy tale ending and your happily every after.

You can glue a broken plate back together, but it's never the same.

How I've always felt about you. And still do.


It's funny to me, how the first way I say that I knew that I loved you was the first time I saw your rage. I say that because I felt like it was because you were going to make Memphis and Chop get along, because they HAD to. Because they were going to be together forever. Because it made me feel protected. Like you would always protect me.


Little did I know, that half a year later ... after broken picture frames, and broken mirrors ... broken plates, and holes in the walls ... holes in the doors, and holes in my heart ... after you had me crying and wishing I could crawl away into one of your holes in the wall ... or sitting on the couch trying to be as still and quiet as I could, hoping not to bring out the demon inside you ... little did I know that that same rage that made me love you, would be brought against me.


As messed up as it all is ... I still love you. And I don't know if it's because I know who are, or if it's because I know who you COULD be. I don't know if it's because I just fell in love with all of the broken promises, or all of the perfect things you told me. I don't know if it's because we both just wanted someone to come home to at night. But I made you a promise so early on, and I never broke it. A promise that I would never give up on you. Even when you put holes in the walls of our house, and instead of fixing them, you just covered them up instead of taking the time to actually FIX them, I never gave up on you. And even when you picked up Chop off of me and threw him across the room, to make me get out of bed, I still never gave up on you. Even when you pulled me up off of the couch by my shirt, choking me, I still never gave up on you. Even now that you're gone, I still am trying every way I know how, to get you to understand ... I never gave up on you. You did. You gave up on yourself, you gave up on me, and you gave up on us. You gave up on "now and forever more." You gave up on our family. You gave up on a promise that you made me, that you would never leave, and that you would always make it work. And even if you still don't want us to be together, that's fine. But I still need you to know ... I NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU.


But I lied to you in the beginning. About something trivial (at least, to me). We won't mention anything you did, because apparently what I did was all that mattered, and everything you did not matter one bit. And ever since then, you didn't believe anything I said. You didn't see anything I did. You never saw that I worked on the days I could barely get out of bed. You never saw all the days that I woke up on my days off, just to wake you up, or bring you coffee in bed. All you saw were the things I DIDN'T do. The days you didn't have the "right" clean underwear. Or the days you had to walk to the dryer to get clean socks. You never washed a single dish the entire time you lived here. You didn't even know where anything WAS in the kitchen. You didn't think about all the times I could have gone and spent my money on myself, and done something I wanted to do. But instead, I spent it on you. Something I knew you would like. On food. On tires. On clothes for you. On the kids. On anything BUT me. To you, it was just "my choice." And it was. But I could never mention that to you. Because then I was holding it over your head. And I didn't want to hold it over your head. I wanted you to realize, and acknowledge, that you had the best thing you ever had. That you had someone that truly cared more about you than they cared about themselves. Because that's when you know you have the relationship you're supposed to be in forever. That's called selfLESS love - putting the other person first. But in our relationship, we BOTH put you first. And that's not fair. And that's why we would always fight. Because even when we would disagree about something, whenever I started to talk ... you just wanted to hear yourself speak.


I promised you I wouldn't call the police. Why in the WORLD do you think I begged Kevin all day to come??? And as far as why I even said I wanted you to leave in the FIRST place ... #1) You said you were leavin anyway. Did I want you to? Hell no. Of course not. I love you, and I want/wanted us to work it out. I thought we needed some time apart ... maybe you stay at your mom's for a week or something ... I don't know. #2) B ... the minute you put your hands on me, things changed. And the more I thought about it, the more things had escalated. And you keep saying that it was me, and that I had made you do it, but I didn't make you do anything. I was in bed trying to sleep, and you would come in there once every hour being mad about something else. I wasn't even WITH you, and you kept coming in there TO ME! I'm sorry, but yes. I WAS scared to be around you by myself. Until you had cooled off, I WAS SCARED. And I have every valid right to feel that way. And trust me ... I told Betsy a thousand times that I wasn't calling the cops. WHY? BECAUSE I love you, BECAUSE I wasn't trying to cause any trouble, and BECAUSE I didn't want to get you in trouble. Read everything I said to Kevin. That's the exact same thing I told him! But if she never told me that she was even going to, until after she did ... I'm sorry, but I don't know how you think I am supposed to control someone's actions who isn't anywhere around me, about something I don't even know she's doing.


So many things keep running through my head. You probably never even loved me. We were probably never even GOING to get married. You were probably just using me the whole time. Nobody could ever PHYSICALLY hurt the person they love, and then just walk away, and never talk to them again. It's just not that easy. And not even want to know why they told them to leave? Or even care? Not possible. And if you CAN walk away, and have zero interest in talking to them about absolutely nothing ... not care that they racked up $25,000 in credit cards in the six months you were together, plus YOUR car, and you want to take it ALL with you, but not pay for it, or even TALK about how it's going to get paid ... clearly you just don't care. So the question remains ... why do I care?


For the record ... I WAS serious about getting married. When I said I wanted to write our own vows, I actually did ... So here they are:


I know we found each other a little bit later in life ... But if I could do it all over again, I would choose you every single time. I would wait another ten years, if it meant I would still get to spend the rest of my life with you. Now that I have you in my life, I know that each day will be a happy, exciting, adventurous, and peaceful one. You make me heart and soul smile, in a way that it never has before. I want to thank you with all of my heart for making the last year the best year of my life, thus far. It was in 2015, that we met, that we became closer, and that we finally began to understand one another. And I know that this year, and every other year of my life, will bring me even more happiness, as long as you are by my side each and every moment. I promise that I will always continue to not only tell you, but to SHOW you, how much I love you. That you are the most important person in my life. That I will always put your wants and needs before my own. I look forward to many, many more amazing years with you by my side. I wish you all of the happiness in the world, my dear handsome amazing partner, in our life to come. You are, and always will be, the pillar of my strength. You are my strength. You are my rock. I will never stop looking up to you. I look up to you in times of conflict, and I will stand behind you to keep your feet firm. I will always support you, and I will never, EVER give up on you. You are my forever.


I know that everything you do, you do for our family. And you do things every day that make me even more proud of you than I thought I could ever be. Every time I look at you, I know that I am marrying the right man. I know that I have finally found the one person who has learned to accept me for who I am. Who loves me for everything I have to offer him. I know that I will be spending the rest of my life with my best friend. When I look in your eyes, I am home. When I look in your heart, I know I have found my true love. In your soul, I have finally found my mate. With you, I am finally whole. I'm full, and alive. You make me laugh. You're my rock. You are what keeps me going every day. You are what inspires me. What are the magic in my days. You make me laugh, and you teach me the meaning of love. You keep me at peace. You provide a safe place for my heart, unlike anywhere I've ever known. You are more of an amazement to me every single day.


I love you. Today and every day. And no matter what happens ... no matter the argument, no matter what problems we face ... I vow to you that I will be willing to put in the effort to fix it. I always told you ... I will be getting married once, and it will be for the rest of my life. And like you've always said ... You're stuck with me forever. I am yours and you are mine. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and every other day. Until the day we die.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

You planted a seed in me

You planted a seed in me You probably don't even know what all those few words meant that first day Or what all I felt when I heard you say All you did was let me know when I went to reach for my own chopsticks And tell me that you had already gotten some for me You said, "What? You've never had anybody treat you like that?" And I've never really thought about it like you did, Or looked into it the that way But as we were eating, and you put your hand on my knee You asked if it was ok. I was blown away. I didn't know what to say. I just smiled. And nodded. And in my heart, I knew I liked this guy. And then the more I spent time with you, the more I began to learn That that very first day, you had planted a seed in my heart. And that seed of love had begun to grow. Because every day, so very fast, I had started to care for you more and more. And the more I knew about you, the more I loved you. And then you came here. And when you come to bed every night, Naked, and raw, and as pure as can be ... It's the same way as how you love me. Your love is pure and raw. No bull shit. No make-up and frills. And that's exactly what I want, and exactly why I love you. Along with a list 20 miles long of other things. You planted a seed in me. And now our love is naked, pure, and raw. One day our seed will grow to be the biggest and most beautiful Magnolia tree in someone's neighborhood. And there will be a crazy leaf lady neighbor that won't like it, and that will want to cut it down. But because it will be so strong, and rooted, and firm, and unshakeable ... It won't go anywhere. Because our love is pure, naked, and raw. Rooted, firm, and unshakeable. They say the Pisces not only want to find their lover, but their Spiritual mate, their best friend, and their eternal soul mate. They say that's why it takes so many of us so long To find "the one." Because we are continually searching for the one that fate has set in store for us. The one who is meant to be our Happily Ever After. Our "eternal soul mate." I've found it all. I have Found MY ALL. In you. YOU are my everything. You are my seed. You are my naked, raw, unbridled, pure, passionate, eternal love that I have been searching for. You are my best friend, and you can be my worst enemy, for it is only you that knows my faults so well. You are my lover, and my Mr Grey. You are my companion, and he whom I would choose over everyone else to do ANYTHING with. You are my other half. For when I am weak, you are strong. When I cannot find the words, you speak for me. When I am overbearing, you sit back and listen. And when I want to nurture you, you sit back and let me. You are my heart and my soul. My heart beats in YOUR chest. For if you weren't here, I don't know what I would do. You are the reason I wake in the mornings, and I can't sleep until I hear your breathing change and I know you're asleep. When you planted that seed ... You became my world.