Not that I actually expect anyone other than myself to actually read any of this ... but if you do ...
here's the cliff's note's version of what's going on. if you start at the bottom, and work your way up from here, you ought to be pretty caught up. but the main gist of it is, i'm pretty sure that at the rate i'm going, if i keep writing a million FB notes, and sending *him* a million emails/texts ... in order to get all of these thoughts and feelings out of my head ... someone out there on the receiving end of my cyber world of therapy is going to get REALLY tired of it. So here is my solution. Because ... the bottom line is ... I HAVE to get it out somewhere. So ... here it is.
Because I'm tired of the hurt/pain/feelings I keep dealing with. One minutem /i'm completely numb, and I just want to feel something. Anything. And the next minute I'm in so much pain that I just wish I could make it stop. So I can breathe. If only for a second. I'm just trying to remember why I want to be here. What there is to look forward to. Feel like all hope isn't lost.
So. You know of course I'm going to read everything you want to put out there. Because I know that sometimes it's easier to put things down this way and have people read them and absorb them than sitting down and talking. I'm not even going to lie. I've been crying like a crazy person reading all this because it just hits so close to my heart. I know you probably get sick of hearing it but I do know what this kind of pain feels like & I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE seeing anyone I care about as much as you (which is pretty much just you btw (ok & maybe Liz & Jon haha)) hurt so much. I hate the I'm helpless to do anything at all to help the situation. The best I can do is to listen, and come running at a moments notice no matter what the time or where I am or anything like that. I swear to god I'll climb in that damn shower with you if you wanted me to. I'd do anything for you Ann Ramsey. Literally.
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