Chris,
I will try ... yet again ... to both, a) understand where it is that you are coming from, and b) get you to understand where it is that I, myself, a coming from.
I DO, unbeknownst to you, understand your logic for how you derived at your decision. The problem is, I don't agree with it. I DO understand that you are trying to get to see the children 365 days a year. I get that. I do. I understand that you think that it will be best for them if they can have both parents in the same house. However, here is where our opinions differ. I think that what you are either failing to realize ... or choosing to ignore (I'm not sure which) ... is that when you choose to settle for something ... when you choose a relationship that you KNOW is not the best for you, not ideal, not the best that you can have (because you NOW know that something so much deeper, so much more TRUE, so much more REAL ... is that you are choosing complacency. You are choosing to be content in something, rather than true joy and happiness. True love. What you are failing to consider, is that, while it would be great for the kids to have both of you in the same house, that is only true if you two have a REAL relationship with one another. The kids are already going to have enough issues with trust and love, because of all the games that she's playing and how many times she has taken them away from you. Used them as pawns in her game of chess, to simply get you back. Her whole agenda is, if she can't have you, then you can't be happy. Well, you were happy. So, she had to have you back. She couldn't have you back, so she moved. Then she started threatening to bring other men into the kids life. That scared you. You don't want to be replaced as Dad. I get that. I totally do. Then she realized that wasn't working. So she had to take it a step further. And now here we are. But you must realize, your decisions don't just affect you, and how much you see the kids. They take a TOLL on the kids too. And there's no need to go immediately back into a setting where you a) don't know if it's going to work, and b) even if it does work, it won't be ideal. Not the type of household where there is resentment, hostility, manipulation, dishonestly, etc. Not one where you are simply content, and you know that you could have something so much better elsewhere. Not one where, when she gets bored, she seeks entertainment elsewhere. Not one where you are constantly stressed out about financial obligations.
This is where I'm coming from. While I DO understand where you're coming from, and you're need to see the kids, and you're desire to do what's best for them, I disagree with what you're thoughts are on what is best. Yes, I believe you need to see them more. But I feel like you are failing to consider other options for fulfilling this need. Such as moving there, but not being with her. Such as joint custody. Such as full custody, seeing as she is moving at least once every six months (which does NOT show a stable home environment). And as soon as you start joining in on her games, and playing into her manipulation tactics, and becoming a pawn in her games, you will then lose any credibility that you might have had in order to keep these possibilities open. Because then you became another unstable parent, in the eyes of the court. If you go down there, and move in with her, AGAIN, and then realize that you're not happy with the same old bullshit, or you're not happy just settling, now having seen the brighter pastures, and then you leave, or she leaves you AGAIN, taking the kids with her, then you're just another unstable parents in their lives.
That's why I am in such full support of you going to your mom's. And thinking. For a while. Alone. And not concentrating on a relationship. With ANYONE. With her, OR me. And I'm fine with that. But I would, HOWEVER, appreciate it if, if and when I call, or text, or email, or WHATEVER ... you would stop being such a fucking ASSHOLE, and ignoring me. Because you and I BOTH know that you ignoring me is not going to make matters ANY better. It will just make me hurt more. And it won't make you stop loving me. Nothing is going to make you stop loving me. You might be able to turn it off, and stop thinking about it for a little while, but it will still creep back into your thoughts every once and while. And it will always be there. You can't make something like that go away. Not when NOTHING wrong ever happened.
I support you Chris. As hard as it is, and as much as I hate to say it, I do. One of the things I love the most about you, is your independance, and the fact that once you make a decision, you stand by your guns, and do as you wish, no matter what anyone around you says. I LOVE the fact that you love your kids as much as you do, and you're willing to do anything in the world for them. I think you are, without a doubt, the best father I have ever met in my entire life. I only wish that you would not turn off the emotional part (at least, towards me), so that my opinions would at least matter. When you love someone, when they COMPLETE you, their opinoins should matter. Especially when it's deciding your future. Your JOINT future. Your livelihood. My only wish and hope is that when you are at your mom's, you will think. You will think about what you really want for the children. If you truly think it is best for them to be raised in an unstable home, with both mom and dad. Or if it's better for them to have two separate homes, like in Memphis, before they left, when they still got to see Dad all the time, and had QUALITY time with Dad, and Dad was truly HAPPY. Not stressed out all the time. Not mad at mom. Not resentful that he was settling, and giving up HIS life, to do what mom wanted to do, or move where mom wanted to move, or give up the woman he was in love with, to try to pretend like he was ok, being content with a small bit of love that he held for the mother of his children, who was NOT the love of his life. It's up to you Chris. Think about it. Who do you think would be the better father?
I love you. I won't deny, I hate the asshole that you're being right now, but I love you all the same.
Ann-
No comments:
Post a Comment