It's not the fact that I miss you. It's not the fact that I can't see you every day. It's not the fact that I don't get to come home to you at night. It's not even the fact that you ... for lack of better words ... and as much as it kills me to even let these words come out of my mouth ... it's not the fact that you left me for your bitch-ass ... word-I-won't-say-here-because-i'm not-sure-who-all's-reading-this ex ... It's the fact that you completely ignore me. 99% of the time. And sometimes ... you'll randomly answer me. But when you do, it's either a simple emoji face, or a two or three letter word. And then, when I respond back to that, with something along the lines of ... "WTF does that mean?" ... you don't respond at all.
No ... What kills me the most is you ignoring me. I can handle you leaving ... As long as I tell myself it was for the kids. That you still love me. That's you only left and went back to her because you think that's what will be best for the kids. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm in denial. But ... that's how I feel about it. After all ... that IS what you told me. But when you keep ignoring me ... it's like a dagger to the heart. And every time you keep silent ... and I hear nothing in response, the dagger twists a little bit deeper. Because it just feels like you don't care. Like ... suddenly ... I could just fall off the face of the earth, and it wouldn't matter to you at all. Whether that's the case or not, that's how it makes me feel. Sometimes, I can rationalize myself through the hurt, so it's not so bad ... but I can never completely rationalize it away.
I just wish I knew SOMETHING. Anything. Had some INKLING of what was going on in your head. Or some INKLING of insight into the future. I don't know. There's definitely bad days ... and worse days. I won't say good days ... but there's more tolerable days. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do ...
I miss you. So much.
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