Yesterday morning ...

It's funny how one of the things I love about you the most, would come to bite me in MY OWN ass one day. I love you for being so independent, & making your own decisions, no matter what those around you may think. And being steadfast and firm in those decisions.

But I will never understand why you would leave the one person that, to this day, you still admit makes you happier than anyone ever has. That you have a love for, that you've never before felt for anyone else.

I love you. I respect you. I support you in any decision you make, if that's what you think is best and thats the decision you make. But right now ... I disagree. I do not understand you right now. Not one bit. I know that you're doing what you think is best for the kids. At least ... That's what you say.

But honestly ... I think you're wrong. And I think part of it is selfish. Not that I'm not being selfish. But I think all you're thinking about is wanting to see them 24/7, 365 days a year. And you think it'll be best if they have mom and dad in the same house. But it WON'T be best if mom and dad are the way you two are. It WON'T be best if dad's heart is always somewhere else.

And you're not considering the fact that there are ways that we can still see them just as often. And still have each other. I know that you think I keep repeating myself. And that this conversation keeps going in circles. And I do. And it does. Because ... Right now ... You're being you. The man I'm so madly in love with. The man that makes a decision and sticks by it, no matter what facts, evidence, or opinions any person in the world may bring to light. But I'm going to keep talking circles around you. Until you either tell me that you can move down there and NOT think about me, and know that you'll be ok without me in your life ... Or until you start to listen to me. REALLY listen to me. And truly HEAR what it is I'm saying. Even if all it is you do is tell me that you'll move down there and take time to yourself to really THINK about what it is your doing. And see the kids every weekend. And fill that emptiness in your heart. But just be YOU. By yourself. Because I have enough faith in us, in our love, and in the STRENGTH of our love, that if you do that, you will realize that you need me to. Not as much as you need the kids. I would never suggest that my importance be equivalent to theirs. But hopefully ... You need me enough to find a solution that integrates us both. I think you owe me that. I think you owe yourself that. I think you owe her and the kids that ... Before you go back to them in hopes that it will work ... But knowing you'll still think about me, and miss me, and NOT being "all in." I don't understand you right now.

But I'm trying. SO so hard. And praying for patience. And peace of mind. And trying so hard to have faith in what I know is true. What I know you can't deny. What I know isn't going away. What you can't forget.

God grant me the serenity ...