do you know why it hurts so much?
because it still makes no sense to me. no matter who you talk to, and no matter what you say ... you still makes it seem like you dont really want to do it. like its something you feel like you HAVE to do, rather than what you actually WANT to do. thats why its so hard for me. if you would just tell me that you woke up one day, and decided that you didnt love me anymore, and that you realized you were in love with jessica ... sure ... i would be dumbfounded, but it would make more sense to me.
i dunno ...
but instead ... you makes it seem like, you're still in love with me, but instead ... you're going to do something that you'll never be happy with, bc you feels like the kids need both parents. i dont get that. bc i feel like, even though i understand they need both parents, that its the wrong decision, bc of the repercussions that it will have on the kids. therefore i dont get it. and its really fucking hard. not to mention, if you supposedly still love me, and you feel so bad, why are you completely fucking ignoring me?!?!?
its like ... you just woke up one day, and couldnt care less if i fell off the face of the earth. and ... considering we just moved in together, and were talking about getting married, and dropping everything to move to FL ... it hurts. it really fucking hurts. its like i dont even know who you are anymore. instead ... you are only a shell of the man i used to know. saying you're sorry, and you feel bad for hurting me. but ignoring me, and making the same decision. all the same.
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